Like the title says, Cancer Sucks. I've been watching it for the last several months robbing my mother of her vitality. Where she used to be healthy and cheerful and full of life, she now kind of sits around. And gets grumpy and feels abandoned. I don't blame her for any of that. She can't do much, therefore the sitting around. I get grumpy a lot lately too just watching her deal with cancer. And feeling abandoned? If i couldn't go anywhere or do anything, I would feel rather lonely too if someone wasn't there all the time.
I've watched it in some ways bring my family closer together. More people just drop by to visit. Some nights we'll have several extra people over for dinner without planning on it. We never know who is going to come or when.
I've watched it confuse my life. Feeling guilty for getting married? Never thought that would be one of my feelings right before my wedding day. I've also been taking on most of the planning all by myself. Mostly good. I'm getting overwhelmed by it though. I don't know who to call and when to call them or what to do etc. I have the temple called. Is that good enough?? Unfortunately not. People are coming in from out of town to see me and Chris. Some of them specifically to see my mom and are going to "hit" my wedding as well. Well, that being the case, I have to plan a reception and all that jazz on top of it. And a honeymoon. And I'm sick of planning. But if I don't plan it, it won't happen. Arg. I want it to be something special for me and for my family, but not too much of a hassle. So I've taken over everything so no one else is hassled....
And I'm just tired. I'm particularly tired of Pancreatic Cancer.
In the perfect dream world, you wouldn't have to do your wedding planning alone, and your Mom wouldn't have to deal with cancer alone. I need to come see her again. I'm so sad for you and for your Mom and for your whole family. It doesn't make much sense from our mortal perspective. It's hard to see a big picture when the small picture is so difficult--please know that I love you and care about what you're going through.
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