Tact and Time Don't Fix Everything

There are times in life where I just have to bite my tongue, to hold back everything you want to say because it's the right thing to do. Sure, I'd feel better if I belted out my feelings, at least in the short run, but what would I gain? Hurting someone else doesn't seem worth me getting my two cents in. Most of the time whatever was so important in the moment fades away when I'm no longer in the situation. Sometimes, however, it lingers and I find myself unsure what I should do.

There are a few things that have happened recently that have been eating at me a little bit. I brush them aside, but they come back over and over again. I've been holding them in because I'm not sure anything would be gained by me sharing my feelings with the persons involved. I know feelings would be hurt and I can't justify that unless I have a dang good reason.

One of the situations is something I probably should address with the parties involved. I have to be tactful or I could damage relationships that I've been carefully building. I've been holding it in just in case I think it's not important enough to mention. But it is. My emotions are involved, but not to the point that if I didn't mention it I would be significantly hurt. It's taken me several months to decide I should talk about it and I've spent the last couple weeks trying to figure out how. I think I'm almost ready. It will be nice to get it out.

Another one is highly emotional. Everything in me is riled up. Someone I care about posted about a situation that involves me and many other people I know. Reading this post caused my emotions to start tearing at me. I wanted to throw my computer across the room I was so upset. I want to write a tart response to the post, to challenge them on most of their "points" and tell them a lot of the parts they glossed over completely change how things play out and that the way they did this is offensive to many of us involved in the situation. I feel ready to explode. Yet this is the one I can't say anything about beyond what I just wrote. If I were to say any of what I'm feeling, and I mean even the smallest bit, to the person who posted, or even the other people involved in the situation, I could be permanently damaging relationships and cause more pain and frustration that the original post. So I have to hold it all in.

I'm not good at this. Rather, I'm too good at this. I've spent much of my life locked up. I've held things back and bottled them in until my walls burst and my bottles exploded. I faked a smile when I was seriously depressed. I've lied to my friends, my family, my teachers, etc. about what's really going on in my life and how I feel about it. And it sucks. In high school I started to realize how detrimental this was to me. I began pulling walls down. I've gotten to the point where I'm fairly transparent, or at least I'm open. What you can't see generally isn't hard to reach. When I have to hold things in like I do with this, I feel compelled to respond the way I used to. I want to stuff it in a bottle, shove the bottle in the darkest corner of my mind, and keep it there, under pressure, as long as possible.Obviously that is not a healthy pattern. Most of the time, things down't have to be held so tightly, but this time, this time I can't share it with anyone (except my husband, but that's just how my marriage works).

It's funny how with the less emotional case I can find a solution. I still feel emotionally involved, but it's tame. With a little bit of time and tact I can solve the problem.

With the more emotional situation I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. I need to protect the emotions of all involved but that leaves me with holding onto the emotions I have. No amount of tact can butter up this situation to everyone's liking and I don't see time helping either. It's one of those things that's likely to be emotionally charged for years. I could see it not being resolved until the next life.

I have to find a solution, that is obvious. I'm not willing to throw a wrench in my relationships with those people and potentially damage ones they share with each other. No one gains there. I also can't hold onto it until it explodes.

This is one of those times I wish I could ask my mom for advice.