Reality: An Ever Changing Game

Once more my reality has shifted and I'm forced to rethink my entire life...at least short term.

My husband and I are moving to Arizona. This means it'll be hot. And hot. Then it will be perfect for 4 months before it gets hot. Again.

Obviously I am not thrilled about the heat, but I am thrilled about the sunshine. Yes, I do realize the sunshine is one of the main factors behind it being so hot. I just love the sun and I guess I'm willing to put up with the hot for some sunshine.


My entire view of the world is shifting as well. Things that I thought were normal apparently aren't. And things that I thought weren't normal ARE. It's kind of messing with my brain.


Which brings me to another shifting reality: my official diagnosis. My psychiatrist put me down as having a cyclothymia disorder. My psychologist calls me Bipolar, Not Otherwise Specified--meaning I don't quite fit any of the other categories but my problem is definitely on the bipolar spectrum. They're supposed to get together, hash it out, and give me a solid diagnosis--I kind of wish I could be there for that discussion. Based on my readings, I think I'm Bipolar II, but I'm not going to argue with the docs. Especially since they will give me the same medicine no matter the end diagnosis and the medicine is working wonders.

One thing that is shifting my view of the world is a book from the library. It's all about bipolar disorder--or as they call it Manic-Depressive Disorder. Either way (and whatever my doctors calls it), it's what I have. And the book is fascinating. It talks about all aspects of the disease--the good, the bad, the neutral and how to cope. It's making me realize I am not alone. I am one of millions (about 1% of the population) who have this problem. Mine may not be the worse case (not even close), but I am NOT alone.

And that is the biggest shift in my reality. I have come to realize these weird problems aren't just weird problems. They are part of a disease that for whatever reason I've been "blessed" with. (There's a big debate about whether its genetics, a predisposition to it, or completely caused by life events or a mix of all of the above). It's really cool to realize I am not alone. The vast majority of people are misinformed about my "disease", but I'm not a nutso and I am not alone. Pretty cool shift in reality if you ask me.

Also, I learned bipolar people often love the summer/sunshine and are more likely to become manic during the summer and depressed during the winter--just like SAD (seasonal affective disorder). So moving to the sunshine will literally be another shift in my reality....hopefully a good one.